The Blue Page

Slash fan-fiction and various other silly writings by the Rahball. See table of contents at left.

Original writing

Carlton and Bridgewater

The gay lovechild of P.G. Wodehouse and Jane Austen. With extra Scotsman.

Book 1 - Lord Bridgewater Takes a Manservant

Lord Archibald Bridgewater (Archie to his friends), has long ceased pretending to be normal. It never worked in any case, and he's cheerfully resigned to the world suspecting him of sodomy (provided they do nothing legal with their suspicions). Unfortunately, his reputation is something of an impediment when he seeks to employ a valet of his own. Or perhaps one could look on it as a highly efficient selective mechanism... (2006)

Book 2 - Thinking of Miss Elizabeth

The timely intervention of Witley Court's butler has provided Archie with the perfect valet, an atheist Scotsman named Robert Carlton. He knows how to tie a proper neck-cloth and there's considerable evidence he's also "that way" inclined. But Archie fears Carlton does his job only too well, putting him in peril of turning the heads of his sister's silly friends. He embarks on a campaign to forestall their affections, which doesn't turn out quite the way he'd hoped. Although, on the up side, it does land him naked in the shower with Carlton... (2007)

Over Oscar

Historical fiction. After the death of Oscar Wilde, his former lovers Bosie Douglas and Robert Ross tear each other to pieces over his memory. (2002)

Leviathan

The great god Baal is on a quest to slay a sea serpent named Lotan. Almighty Yahweh has a giant serpent named Leviathan put aside in the ocean for the End of Days. Trouble is, they're the same animal. (2004)

Creating the Past

Published in Alchemical Reactions by Wilde Times. Aarda the Earth God and creator of life loves scientists. He often watches Iendis's palaeontologists at work digging up the past. Until one day they use a new invention to check the age of their fossils and find they're older than he is. By several hundred million years. (2006)

Mr Wilkinson and the Act of Foul Sex

Also known as "The Civic Duties of Mr Wilkinson". Mr Wilkinson is innocently making use of a public toilet for its proper purpose when he overhears some goings-on in the next cubicle. So he has a peep to check that they really are the goings-on he thinks they are, and then he writes to the local council to complain. (2002)
PS - Somebody I knew once used the phrase "act of foul sex", completely seriously. Iamnotmakingthisup.

Walking in Shadows: The Church

Satan's Dark Past. This is him "doing everything he can to make life hard for God's humans", as he says in this episode. Probably the nastiest thing I've ever written. Self-loathing corruption and seduction of a Catholic priest, with a very unpleasant ending. Just so's you know. (2001. I think.)

The Two-People

In complete contrast to the previous entry is this amusing little opus from 1997, when I was in Year 9. It's about a race of aliens who communicate using scent rather than sound. They have come to earth and, in the usual way, taken away earth animals to study: three humans, a dog and an octopus. Plus a chicken that stows away.

Fan-fiction (slash)

The Wodehouse Collection

Jeeves and Bertie Wooster in love! Unlike a lot of J/W slash you'll see, which tends to concentrate on getting our heroes into bed for the first time, this series sorts that out in the first story and carries on from there. It features several new variants on the traditional "Bertie has a personal accessory Jeeves hates" theme, which are a direct result of the pair's more intimate relationship. And one of the stories is a comic.

Jeeves and the Understanding

In which Bertie has a birthday and Jeeves has too much to drink. Narrated by Bertie.

Thank You, Sir

Sequel to the above. In which somebody finally notices Bertie's pages are missing from the Junior Ganymede club book. Narrated by Jeeves.

Love in the Afternoon

A sex scene, but in the form of dialogue to keep it as decent as possible. I figured there was no power on earth capable of shutting Bertie up. All right, maybe one...

Bertie Wooster Takes a Stand

A comic, which was a birthday present for a friend. The tale of Bertie's fruity but masculine aftershave.

The Tenets of Spinoza

Bertie attempts to tackle one of Jeeves's obscure philosophers while clad in his new novelty undershorts.
Narrated by Bertie again. Now I know I shouldn't go tooting my own horn, but this is probably the best thing I have ever written ever. It is as funny as hell, and also Meaningful.

Bertie in the Garden...
Three random dialogues featuring Bertie, Jeeves and Madeline Bassett in Aunt Dahlia's garden. Not much in the way of plot, but still amusing.

Discworld

The Trouble with Books

Some time after the events of The Last Hero and The Truth. Lord Vetinari falls afoul of one of Leonard of Quirm's inventions and ends up in Unseen University library, where he is forced to defend himself from homicidal books. And then Rincewind turns up and in the process of trying to cast a healing spell casts an aphrodisiac... (2001)
I realise since the advent of Twilight that "it came to me in a dream so I had to write it down" is a very poor excuse, but too bad. I was Only Nineteen, that is my defence.
There is some fan art of this fan fiction too! Here.

From An Ocean of Ashes

Rincewind again. Set earlier in his timeline, before he developed his passion for potatoes. The other character is Charios, a beastman of my own invention who won't go away. If you've read Pantheon's last incomplete storyline, he's in that too. He's sort of the demon equivalent of Rincewind. But this was his first appearance.
This story is a crossover with The Sinner Dragon, a webcomic by my friend Gilda, some of which you can find here. The storyline I refer to in particular is not there, but it involved a character being trapped in Limbo, in the Desert of Ashes, and being pursued by a beastman who wished to eat him. He was saved by a dragon eating the beastman. And later he visited a town of rodent people.

Earth's Children Book 5 - The Man Of Pleasures
Silliness! My first slash story-ette, (c. '99-2000) with comments and contributions by the friend who introduced me to the genre. Are you sick and tired of waiting for Jean Auel to stop running around in Eastern Europe with a sling and a spear-thrower? Wish she would just come home and publish her next book? Well, the ten years' wait is over, because "The Man of Pleasures" is here.

Footnote: Incredibly, after twelve years, "The Shelters of Stone" has arrived. Quite outraged that Ayla hasn't invented the tampon yet, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time... On the up side, so much nothing happened in that book Jockular must've had time for a fling with Tandaran...

Iago in Love
A darker story, based on my analysis of Will Shakespeare's "Othello". June 2000. Iago/Cassio and definitely too short and flippant for the weight of stuff that goes on in it. Still, it might as well stay here, for completeness.

Hornblower!
Horatio and Archie OTP!!! Looking forward to another Trouncing of the Frogs on the High Seas! (2002)

The Search For James
Pokemon slash. Yes, really. I just re-read this after like five years, and it made me lol, so it's staying put! (2002)

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© Rahball 2000-2012.